Me Against Me

So...still juicing, and still eating food in the evenings. I am very annoyed with myself, as on juice I feel great, high, wonderful and after I eat I feel dull, blah, fat, annoyed. But rather than beat myself up about this, I have decided it's actually rather interesting.....I keep on trying...keep on juicing and one of these days I am going to just get tired of the back and forth, tired of finding myself disappointing myself yet again, and get with the program. I am going to just do it. I ate mostly very good food...a bit of mango, some guacamole and chips, 1/2 of a pita with cucumber, tomato and carrots in it.....and some jalapeno ranch dressing and spicy salsa that I spiced up even more with some dried chipotle I had ground up. But damn. I didn't need to do it. I didn't NEED to do it. I didn't even WANT to do it. I just did it. Went against myself and did it. I do not like how that feels. Going against myself....doing what I KNOW I do not want. It makes me feel icky. It is icky. And dumb. I am not going to do it anymore. So.....after a wonderful juice start, I went out and checked out the Recycle Yard...they have lots of doors, counters, light fixtures, mirrors, etc. I found a new plastic toilet seat, and some ceramic tiles...got them all for only $2. The tiles turned out to be the wrong size, but the toilet seat should make a nice back up...I don't like it that our plastic toilet seats broke a little...nothing serious...and actually I would like to replace them with wooden or other toilet seats..not cheapo plastic...don't ask me why I bought it. Then I went to the Salvation Army Thrift Shop, saw a free standing armoire type thing....all pressed board...heavy...but nice looking, but in the end decided no. Glad I did. But I did get some brass pots, and terra cotta shallow dishes to put under pots....and then went to home depot and mcguckins and got some flowers to put in the pots. Tomorrow my son and I are going to help out at a community garden...can't wait the people seem really nice...really good. The weather will be awesome as well. Saw my neighbor across the street out tonight...he was wearing a green tshirt, and was just slightly inebriated...lol...I told him my pheasant story...he enjoyed that...and told me to go put on some green. I wore mostly white and light yellow today. So...feeling fat and bleah...must do only juice tomorrow. It has been 17 days...and I am soon heading for less than a 50% ratio. No No No. 75 days left. I have wasted almost an entire week. at least. Time to get with the program or at least sort out what it is I want to do. ai yi yi.
time for bed.